Zack
? - May 6th 2008




Some time on Tuesday Zack died. He was a shy, hiding type cat and I usually only saw him at night and in the morning when he would come to bed with me. Tuesday night he didn't come to bed and he wasn't there Wednesday morning either. Last night, when I got home, Justin and I started to look for him. We were worried that he had gotten outside somehow. I looked outside and Justin searched the house.

Justin found him behind his bed, curled up like he was asleep. But he was cold and didn't move. J then went outside to tell me.

Zack was anywhere between 17 and 20 years old. A very old cat. I adopted him after someone found him in a ditch - beaten, broken bones, and burns over his body. He had been left for dead. When I saw him at the Humane Society shelter, curled up tight, scared, hiding his face - I knew I had to take him home. He had been there for months after his recovery. He was older, male, a feral, and his fur looked bad from his wounds and scars. No one wanted him.

I wanted him. I took him home and he lived in a closet for over year, too scared to come out. Anytime anyone would look at him, he would hide his face. But I would sit and talk to him for hours and pet him and he would purr every once in a while for a just a few seconds. We decided to get a female kitten to keep him company and so Willow came into our lives. Yes, I got my pet a pet. It worked. Zack loved Willow and wanted to stay by her.

It took 2 years of care before he would come to me at night to be petted. And that happened rarely. He would still hide from everyone else, including Tracy and Justin. After 4 years he would come to bed with me for a few minutes each night, hiding when he heard Tracy approaching the bedroom. By then we had moved into a house (we were in an apartment) and he seemed to like it much better. Sometimes, during the day, I would see him outside the bedroom. He started to sit on the back of the couch with Willow when I was the only one awake or present in the house. We had a fenced in backyard, and he started to go outside with me. I planted catnip for him.

The years went by and Zack remained a shy, fearful, hiding cat. He got a bit better. Justin could usually pet him if Zack was on my bed. Tracy could, for a moment, before Zack would run away. Very, very few people ever saw Zack - and if they did it was as he was running away to hide.

Zack was able to catch and kill moles even in old age. He was very, very smart. He understood what a kiss was and would kiss me - pressing his lips to mine. In fact, on Sunday morning he woke me up by kissing me over and over. I had wanted to sleep in, but who can get mad at that? So we got up and went outside and he inspected the deer damage with me. That was the last time he was outside in the fresh air.

I love him more than I can say. I know some people think it is stupid to love a pet so much. Too bad. I can't believe he is really dead. Silly, I know. He was very, very old. But he had made it through the winter and I thought for sure I would have one more summer with him. He was still very spry and wasn't sick. I cherished every moment I had with him.

We buried him last night in a frigging plastic tub. He deserved better. I wrapped him in my best material. Poured myrrh, amber, and frankincense in with him. A can of food and some catnip from the catnip plant in the icon, harvested the very year the picture was taken. Also tucked in, his and Willow's brush that still had Willow's fur in it and a picture of Tracy, Justin and I. Then we closed it up and buried him in the flower bed near my circular deck. I'll get a catnip plant to plant on top of the mound today.

I don't know what killed him, but it looks like he passed away in his sleep. I am thankful he wasn't sick, or hurt, or lost outside, or killed by a dog, or died in fear in a cage at the vet's office. But I am so sad. Our time together was too short.

Zack, you will be sorely missed.

Behind the cut...Zack in his burial bin.
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